Tenten's Lament
by Pixie07
Summary: Re-post-Tenten's feelings and regrets after the death of Neji Hyuuga.-Songfic Vanilla Twillight by Owl City (for the ones that mind, don't worry the lyrics are not included) Post war, one sided NejiTen


**_Song: Vanilla Twilight by Owl City_**

 ** _I really recommend to listen to the song before hand or while reading it, it really gives you the feeling of emotions of the story._**

 ** _Beta by een nihc_**

 **Tenten's Lament**

It's been two weeks since we came back from the war. It's been two weeks since you spread your wings and flew away from this world.

The casualties were too many. Since the village is still being repaired, the elder's decided that it would be best to just do a mass funeral. The families would have todo their memorial services afterwards on their own time. That made me angry; you deserve more than just being thrown into the 'general' category. As if you were just a number, just another tool that no longer works.

 _'That's the destiny of a ninja.'_ I heard one of the elders said, as if he didn't care. I wanted to punch him right across his face. Yes, you were a ninja, but you were also a person. You were, and you still are, Neji. My teammate, my friend... My loved one.

The said mass funeral is being held today. Lee cried all the time, Gai-sensei wasn't any better at dealing with the pain of losing his beloved student. We weren't in a battle field anymore, so he let out the grief that he has been concealing all this time. Me? When did you see me cry? It's not that I'm not broken inside, but those two needs me to be their rock. Even if I'm bleeding inside, I must endure. Besides, I know you wouldn't like to see me shed a tear. I can't allow myself to even look depressed. Who would be the one to grab my hand if I fall? To tell me that everything will be okay? You're gone.

I just arrived home and the lights are off. I never thought that the darkness can hurt this much. It feels empty and cold. I never cared about it before. However, today is different. I've come to realize what it really means to be alone.

Is it just me or are there more steps than it was this morning? Walking up the stair to my room felt like a long journey. The door of my balcony is wide open, and my eyes can't believe what they are seeing. I'm running towards outside. If it wasn't for the railing, I'd end up falling down.

The sun hasn't started to set yet but I saw a meteor shower in the sky. What was more shocking is that their lights are fading away at where you rest, as if they were placing chaste kisses on your eternal bed. Just like the ones I have always dreamt for you to place on my lips. A dream. That's what I really want all this to be, so that I can pinch myself awake. However, that's not the case; I'm wide awake, missing you with everything I have.

It's been a while since I'm sitting at the corner of my balcony, hugging my knees against my chest. The sun is finally starting to set. The orange and yellow tinted clouds are blending perfectly in the pink sky. The atmosphere seems rather comfortable. I could've lied down and doze off into a safe and sound sleep.

I don't know why, but it reminds me of the time when we were on the mission in the land of Snow. When night arrived and the warm sun disappeared, I was freezing to death, until you put your arms around me. _'Body heat.'_ you whispered coldly as the snow fell upon us. However I could feel the warm meaning behind them.

The blush on your cheeks made me think that perhaps, your felt the same way as I did. Promising myself that I would confess, I wrote you a letter later that week. Yeah, Tomboy Tenten, can be girly sometimes too. However, I never gathered the courage to give it to you. The fear of rejection took control over me. Looks like Iam not as brave as I always proclaim to be. What if I did and you reciprocate my feeling? But now is too late for that.

I missed all the opportunities to feel your arms around me again. I wish you were here with me, watching the last shooting star in the sky.

The day is receding slowly, the bright colors are gone and replaced by blue. We'll start training again anytime soon. _'Neji would like it that way.'_ Sensei said. It won't be the same. How will I stay sane with just those two and their power of youth? To whom will I whisper how crazy they're. And who will whisper to me, _'let's get out of here.'_?

I have to close my eyes and pretend that you are there. You had always been quiet, so I guess it might not be that hard. I used to hate the silence that you provided; now I can see that it wasn't so bad. One thing less that I'll miss about you, yet it'll be another thing that will remind me of you.

Gentle fists on my skin, that's what I'll miss. The perfect excuse to feel the warm of your touch. My forearms will feel empty without the bruises you left behind after a taijutsu section. You never saw me as a fragile flower whose petals could fall from a single shake, as Lee sometimes does.

Ha, how odd can I be? It didn't bother me when you two were arguing after one practice, and without mercy you beat the crap out of me. And Lee refereed me as a _'youthful sprout of a rose',_ how cheesy. But you said ' _If she was a flower, she would be a cactus.'_ Not exactly what a girl wishes to be call by her crush.

It did hurt me a bit, you know? Being compared to an ugly green thing filled with pointy needles. But then you explained that it's a _plant that can bloom wonderful flowers, yet it has torn, that means it's not one to_ _be_ _messed_ _with. A plant that depends on no one to survive.'_ Ahh, that made my heart racing. I do have a girly side, I told you that before.

I stand up and sit on the balcony railing. The sun is finally out of sight and the moon is high up. The idea of sleep pokes my head and my body has been crying for rest for a while now. But my mind can't help but ignore its pleas, ignoring the lure from the soft sheets of my bed. Why do I even bother? All I'm going to do is totoss around or stare at the blank ceiling. It has been days that I haven't been able to sleep. The memories of you keep coming, one after another. I even remember our academy days. Nostalgia is such a cruel feeling.

Anyway, I rather stay here, sitting down on the thick wooden rail all night, and swing my legs in the hollow space underneath them. Enjoying the autumn breeze that brings me the Vanilla Twilight tree (like how mother used to call it) fragrance from my backyard. Its blue blossoms with that sweet smell are falling down, leaving their branches empty. Just like what you did to me.

From here, I can see most of the village, there's no one out there. Everyone is inside, either grieving over the dead or rejoicing on the return of a loved one. Leaving the streets empty.

Tonight, I'll keep searching for more memories of you in my heart. That way I'll not feel alone. I'll remember every moment we shared together, every word we spoke. I will not let a single blink go by without thinking of you.

I'll keep the memory of those pearl white eyes bright and alive. I will not let your existence fade away from my mind or my heart. Once I recall how to feel alive again, I'll spread my wings and fly to a world without you. I will do my best to forget the pain, but I'll never forget you.

I'm growing tired of holding back my tears. I'm letting it running down my cheeks. I'm letting my lament releases in those salty drops of sadness. I wish I can turn back time and leave all my regrets in the past.

I wish I had the courage to let you know how much you meant to me.

How much I admired you.

How much I wanted to embrace you.

How much I wanted to feel the soft touch of your lips on mine.

How much I loved you.

How much I still love you.

How much I wish you were here.


End file.
